Why do I always end up in tears when I go home from the RE's office?

Today was the follow up with my RE after the gallons of blood they took. We have a plan but I'm not sure how good it is. Basically the plan at this point is an appointment with a High Risk OB/GYN to see if I can carry to term because pregnancy causes issues with the Pituitary, also at this point after the 2 hour GTT I am now pre-diabetic so she wants me to see another Endocrinologist to check out my other hormone levels and if GD may become an issue once I get pregnant.

So two more doctors visits and finally we can start treatment. She wanted me to jump right to IVF but I told her I didn't know if I was completely comfortable with that so I talked her into trying 1 round of injectables first. After talking it over she thought it was a good idea because that way we can see how or if I will respond at all to the medications and give us a good starting point for IVF. Since the pituitary is pretty much is shut down and my FSH levels are still really, really low she thinks it may be 8-10days of stims before we get anywhere.

The other big issue is we found out insurance covers 4 injectable cycles and 2 IVF cycles but we have a huge deductible to pay before we can do anything and it needs to be paid up front. But we need to do it before then end of August because at that point the IF coverage disappears and then we would be completely OOP for everything. What sucks is our deductible goes Jan/Jan so the clock just started again and it everything that we paid for surgery and all the testing doesn't get added in to this.

There are days I just want to give up but I know if I do I would wonder for the rest of my life what if.  I don't want a life of what if's.  I just want my family to be complete.