It's official

I talked to our HR department and found out even with the CT State Fertility Insurance Mandate we are still not covered for treatment.

I don't get it...it's MANDATED!!  How do you say no, but since they are "self-insured"  they don't have to follow the mandate.  So basically unless D gets a job in the next 3 months with day one coverage and fertility treatment a biological child is not in our future.  As I've said before with the debt from surgery there is no way to afford IVF we just don't have $11k.

I think the hardest thing is knowing that I won't be able to look my child in the eyes and see a part of me, see a part of my husband.  Right now without the money for treatment our only option is state adoption which could take years and years.  I know if we do adopt I will love that child more than anything else but now it's just so hard to mourn the loss of a child that never existed or will exist.